I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
