Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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