I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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