then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize