So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
is that a dick in a sweater?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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