i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
