we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
