Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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