Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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