her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
