i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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