that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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