Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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