yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
