I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize