I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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