I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
