a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
