in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
