God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize