Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
