I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
