Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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