I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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