While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
