3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
