one might say we're banned from that church
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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