everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
