Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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