Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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