We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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