he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
