i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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