is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
