Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
