At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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