idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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