just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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