yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
