i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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