Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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