if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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