Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
