First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
