Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
