I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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