Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
