these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
