I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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