she smelled like a LAN party
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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