I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You may now shotgun with the bride
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
