thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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