Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
