Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
