I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
