I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
