Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
