Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
