When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
