Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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