if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
