Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
