First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
