tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
