her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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